Hey, Big Girl! (Self Image post)
Excerpted from I'm So Pregnant: An illustrated look at the ups and downs (and everything in between) of pregnancy by Line Severinsen (kosogkaos.no), © F+W Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
I titled this article “Hey, Big Girl” for my client, who at 19 weeks pregnant, was addressed as “hey, big girl” by a male employee as she walked into her office. Yes, she is the boss.
She felt insulted, embarrassed and caught off-guard. We managed, however, to have a good laugh at his (dumbass) remark and how clueless some people are with the stuff that comes out of their mouth.
In my opinion he should have been fired on the spot, but that’s just me. I said, “if you’re “hey, big girl” now, what the hell is he going to call you at 38 weeks? We need to educate him on what to say to a pregnant woman.”
Actually, there is only ONE THING anyone should EVER say to a pregnant woman, “You are glowing! You look beautiful.” PERIOD.
Unfortunately, people say things like, “Wow you look like you’re ready to pop!” or “Oh really you’re only 29 weeks pregnant?” or “OMG are you having twins?” or “Wow even your face looks different” (just heard that one from a client this week).
Another gem…
I had a client who ran out to the hardware store with her husband. It was the weekend she was in sweats; no make-up and she was beautiful with or without make-up. A woman, total stranger, walks up to her and says, “are you having a girl?” my client surprised says, “yes, how did you know?” “Well, I can see that your beauty has drained out of you.” I exclaimed, “wait what?! she actually said that!?” I was in complete and utter shock. “Yes ma’am, she actually said that.” If it were me, I would have run to the lumber department and got a 2x4. I swear!
NO WONDER WE HAVE ISSUES WITH BODY IMAGE. Random people feel comfortable saying whatever’s on their mind just because you’re pregnant. It’s mind boggling!
I hear it all the time! As a matter of fact, Kristen walked in and before she even said Hi, her first words were “look at me, I’m huge!”
I also hear, “I’m so fat, I can’t believe I’m going to get even bigger.” “How am I going to lose all this weight?”…and the list goes on and on.
Most of us didn’t love our bodies even before we got pregnant, so to adopt an unfavorable body image during your pregnancy is no surprise. It’s something, however, that must be worked on every day.
Pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. Are the words supportive and loving, empowering, uplifting or self-deprecating? If they’re not positive words or words that don’t make you feel good, don’t say them out loud!
Body image is not just about looking good, but also about feeling good!
Feeling good about the growing baby and hips and boobs and everything. Embrace the changes as opposed to resisting them, even though we know we have no control over the changes.
My favorite Wayne Dyer saying is “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Understanding the physical changes that are taking place as your pregnancy progresses will help you change the way you look at this amazing process and everything that goes along with it. The most important reason to feel good about yourself during your pregnancy is that, when you feel good so does your baby! Also, a good massage helps you actually feel lighter in being. You gain a better understanding of just how relaxed your body can become.
Many people struggle with not being able to relax in their own skin, but I think you have to know what being relaxed feels like first. A massage helps get you there. Massages during your pregnancy also benefits the baby.
As someone who spent the first 30 years of life feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling embarrassed, teased by friends and family. If I heard someone laughing, I immediately assumed they were laughing at me. All because of how skinny I was.
During the 1970’s, when I was in my twenties, fashion was all about mini-skirts and platform shoes. There was no escaping my skinniness! I welcomed pregnancy with my new big boobs and my water weight gain. I finally broke 100 lbs. I was thrilled!
MaryLou DiNicolas, 1976
Sadly, feeling negative about ourselves is a practiced thought that eventually becomes a habit and then becomes a belief. When I look back at photos of myself in my mini-skirts and platform shoes I looked adorable. What the hell was wrong with me thinking otherwise?
Negative thoughts fill our bodies with harmful cortisol and epinephrine. While positive beliefs relax our nervous systems and allow our bodies to heal. Practiced thoughts become beliefs so, if that’s true (and I believe it is) it would be a good idea to start changing how we view ourselves, and more importantly, what we tell ourselves.
While the placebo effect demonstrates the power of positive thinking - expectation, hope, and nurturing care, the nocebo effect demonstrates the physiological effects of negative belief, fear, anxiety, and what Martin Seligman terms “learned helplessness.”
So, what are you telling yourself? How have you overcome learned helplessness?
Comment below!
#dontforgetaboutmommy #whatareyoutellingyourself #learnedhelplessness #INeedAMassage